Moan for me like Helen Keller
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
