it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
