I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
