Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
