i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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