everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
