Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
