I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
