This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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