You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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