are you so shy because you have an std?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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