they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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