Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
