We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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