His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
