I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
