you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
that may or may not have been my penis.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
