I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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