theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
