everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
