i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
