omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
