i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
