Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
