He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
