If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Mom said you looked used
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
