TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
