My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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