Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
