If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
