that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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