If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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