your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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