I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
