I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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