Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
