i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
