May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
