I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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