ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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