I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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