My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
