Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
