My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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