i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just cut my nipple shaving
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
