Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
