Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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