I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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