i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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