WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
